I have been in the trenches of the tiny-apartment-toy-war for over a decade now with my three kids. Trust me, you are not being rude, you are just being practical. In my experience, most grandparents actually feel a bit lost and just grab the biggest, flashiest thing they see because they want that big reaction from the kid. Over the years, I have tried many different ways to steer the ship, and the direct approach is almost always better than a closet full of plastic junk. One quick tip that works wonders is to frame the list as a favorites guide. Instead of just a link, say something like, Hey guys, people have been asking what he is into lately, so I put this together to help! Since our Chicago place is pretty tight on space, we are focusing on smaller things or activities this year. It makes it feel helpful rather than like a demand. Another thing I have learned is to specifically suggest consumable gifts... things like art supplies, play dough, or even tickets to the museum. These are hits every single time and they dont stay on your floor forever. Ngl, your husband might feel awkward at first, but he will feel a lot worse when he is tripping over a plastic slide in the kitchen at 2 AM. Just be honest about the space issues and most people will actually be relieved they dont have to guess.

Honestly, I used to be really worried about the social etiquette of this too. Over the years, I have learned that being proactive is the safest way to avoid hurt feelings or wasted money later on. I remember when my first was little, a relative bought this massive motorized car that we had zero space for. It sat in the hallway for months because we couldnt even turn it around in the living room, and eventually, the relative felt bad that it wasnt being used. It taught me that most people actually want their money to go toward something that gets used. In my experience, the best way to handle the group chat blast without it feeling tacky is to follow a few steps I have developed:

• Send it out with a specific disclaimer about the apartment square footage so it doesnt seem like a demand.
• Focus the list on consumables or smaller items that fit in specific bins.
• Include a note saying gifts are totally optional but the list is there if anyone is looking for ideas. I have tried many different ways to handle the family gift dynamic and this methodical approach works best for my current setup. People usually appreciate the guidance because it takes the guesswork out of their weekend shopping trips. If you are still nervous, maybe just send it to your mother in law directly first... it might feel less like a public announcement.

Just saw this thread and honestly, I have to disagree with the idea that a list even solves the root problem here. After years of dealing with relatives who think more plastic equals more love, I have realized the list usually just gets ignored anyway. It is so frustrating because these companies charge a fortune for what is basically landfill fodder that breaks in two weeks. Total scam.

• big plastic toys are a depreciation trap that lose value immediately
• the cost-per-play ratio on these giant items is almost always zero
• most of these expensive sets are designed to break so you buy more
• the hidden cost of losing your actual floor space to junk Honestly, its ridiculous that we even have to worry about looking tacky when our homes are being turned into literal storage units for junk we never asked for. The cost of these massive playsets is a total joke considering they are made of the cheapest materials possible. I have seen so much money literally thrown in the trash over the years. Your husband thinks a list is tacky? Whats really tacky is forcing someone to live in a cluttered mess because you want the five-minute ego boost of seeing a kid open a big box. It is such a racket. The toy industry has convinced everyone that bigger is better and it is just making our lives miserable and our houses unlivable. It drives me crazy.